Random thoughts

Real- being or occurring in fact or actuality, having verifiable existence; true and actual, not imaginary, alleged, or ideal.

Reality- the quality or state of being actual or true.

Driving and crying.

Why is that the world does not allow us to be real? Why do we have to be ideal? My reality is the following; I have gained 5 lbs in a month. I do not sleep well. Food has no taste. My body hurts. I do not feel like smiling. I cry like a little girl. I love my family more than ever. My husband is a true gift from God. I am terrified of all of this interfering with my job. If I hold my feelings in then I am not real. I can't always express myself. There is a time and a place. But do people reallly want to hear or know? I don't know. I don't care if they do or not.

My car has become a refuge. It is a place to let my tears go and talk to God. I turn my radio up to drown out my thoughts and reset my brain. It is amazing at how many people are on the road. Is anyone experiencing the same thing? Is anyone else hurting? The brokeness of this world tells me yes. Yet we go on while one person is driving and crying.

I have been careful not to speak for the rest of my family. We are all dealing with this on our own individual terms, yet feeling the same loss. As Grandaddy put it, we are in the huddle. We all have different positions on this team. What are we going to do without Mike? We get our game plan and go out to face the world. I just don't know which side we are on, the winners or the losers. Is it possible to be on both at the same time? Either way, continue saying prayers and cheers for the hometeam. We feel it and need it.
Love to you all,
Rhonda