I have been paralyzed by the thought of moving…moving on without him.
Planting a garden means I do so without sharing it with him.
Loving and giving to anyone else without being able to love and give to him. Loving and giving to anyone else means the chance to lose and hurt.
Getting out and having fun, riding a bicycle, hiking, or seeing friends without being able to tell him about it.
Moving on acknowledges that April 10 really happened.
Moving on means grief, pain, and overwhelming emotion.
Moving on to experience all the “firsts” without him in the world.
Moving on past the last time I touched him. I will never feel that again while I am here.
If I am paralyzed why do I feel so much? I feel pain, heartbreak, hurt, sad, anger. Yet at the same time I feel numb. I am not really here. This is not really happening.
If I do not allow myself the chance to feel then I do not move on. If I move on I do it without him. I have been paralyzed.
Grief is one of life's paradoxes'. You have to feel the pain to feel healing. I don't really expect to understand it this side of heaven.
Just wanted to thank you for posting your thoughts on this...I have been thinking of you all so much today as you celebrated his life and wish we could have been there. At 2:45 a.m. tonight it will be four years since I held my mother's hand as she died, and what you wrote on Saturday says it all -- and was just what I needed to read tonight, so thanks. Blessings to all of you. --- Eda Spivey Price (Laura's cousin in Richmond VA)
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