Mike time on earth was often leisurely, laid back and not necessarily on schedule. When you were on Mike time, the world kind of slowed down. It seemed to savor the moment. Mike time was fun, silly, sometimes serious, but mostly, lively. Thirty nine years of Mike time was not enough. Just a drop in the bucket for this life. I got to thinking about how much time has gone by since Mike time stopped...eight months. Seems like forever and just yesterday. The watch according to Mike. Ha! I keep thinking "if I just go here or there, he'll be here or there and I'll be on Mike time." No matter where I look, there is no way to get on Mike time. I have traveled through numerous time zones, towns, states, stayed awake, slept, dreamed. No more Mike time.
But where Mike is...every moment is Mike time, eternal Mike. Now there's a thought! That makes me smile. Eternal Mike time. Mike has barely blinked an eye and these eight months have gone by. He knows only Mike time. No watch, no schedule, no timelines. Just eternity.
Rhonda time is often selfish. I spend a lot of time sad, wondering, missing, pondering. I am slowly learning to remember things. Focus on positive, fun memories. But I keep thinking he's somewhere, if I can just get to him. He'll be there. In this, I am trying to realize "Mike time, eternity," not earthly. Such a hard concept to grasp. I cannot touch it. I cannot grasp a concept. I cannot touch Mike. I cannot see him. I cannot talk to him. I cannot find him. I want him on my time, on my watch. But my time is fleeting, a vapor.
So I'll ponder my time and what I have to do to get to Mike time, eternal. Eternal Mike time. Eternal Mike. Eternity. Through my tears, that makes me smile. An eternal Mike. Wow! Thank God that is possible.
I Thank God for giving you the gift of writing. You express so well what I am experiencing, I also think if I just go to the right place at the right time Michael will be there, then reality hits and again I am forced to face the truth he is not here and never will be. How blessed Michael is to be in God's time, but OH HOW I MISS HIM.
ReplyDeleteMom
I just want to wish you and your family a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. I don't know what it feels like to loose a brother, but I do know what it feels like to loose my father and my nephew. My father passed away nine years ago, on Thanksgiving Day, I think that the holidays that year were pretty much a blur. Then, three years later my nephew passed away. I have only one brother, who also is Mike. He means the world to me, and I cherrish everything that we share together. I would be as lost as you are without your Mike. I know it is just the selfish side of us that do not want to let go, but in time, we will be in the eternal Heavan with them, and then, we will rejoice and regain all of the time that we have missed with our loved ones. So, I say to you, enjoy your holidays as though he were with you, because he will always remain in your heart.
ReplyDeleteConnie
Thank you, Connie, so much for your kind words. They are truly inspirational. I am so very sorry for your losses. I am very grateful for your faith and willingness to share it. You know, as well as I do, how much it helps to know that others share your pain, grief, and love. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you and your family!
ReplyDeleteLove,
Rhonda
I have had your whole family in my prayers throughout this ChrisTmas time. I know your faith and your God and I know He is Emmanuel, God with us! That is what gives me hope and the reassurance that He is seeing you through this difficult time without Michael. I know we have missed him, his laughter and his childlikeness during this time. He loved it! Reminded me of my dad who loved ChrisTmas as we celebrated Christ and we were with family. Yet he died during ChrisTmas time 32 years ago. I miss him still yet I am grateful for having loved and learned to love through him. I believe we honor those who now Celebrate with Christ every day not just at Christmas by what we do with our lives in their honor! So as you look ahead to 2010 may God give you clear vision and purpose that He can only do through you. We love you and know you can drop in anytime!!
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