A foreign land

As you well know, I have to put words to my feelings, mostly for my benefit (and for my husband). I need to be able to describe how I feel so I can understand and cope. I had a strange experience tonight. I was in a coliseum full of people. As I looked around, all I could see was a different me in a strange place full of strange people. I did not recognize anyone but those I sat with. If I had a mirror, I would have seen a stranger. I realized that I have been seeing the world differently. Your first thought may be, "of course because things are different." Again, I need to be able to describe those feelings. I realized that I have never known the world without Mike. You see, he was my older brother. There was no life, for me, before Mike. There are a few of us in our family who probably feel the same way. And I can remember some looks on Laura's face that would make you believe there was no life, for her, before Mike, either (like the first time I met her and she glowed in his presence!). Suddenly, I am in a foreign land. I am learning a new language in this strange place. My thoughts, routes, interactions, body language, diet, and habits are all changing. My responses are changing. I don't remember applying for a passport to this land.

Fortunately, I chose to accept Jesus as my Lord and Saviour as a young girl. Do you know what He reminded me of with this new "foreign land" revelation? That I AM in a foreign land. I am not home, yet. I do not define myself by this world or by who or what is in it, but by who I am in Him. Isn't He sweet to come along side me and gently remind me of this? I am not supposed to feel "at home" in this world. I am just passing through. "I am the way, the truth, and the light," says the Lord. That's my passport. My passport to eternal life with Him, with Mike, and all the Saints that have gone before us.

The roller coaster continues. Just when I am feeling down and having these hard, seemingly sad revelations, He pushes (and pulls) me up out of that valley and reveals HIS mountain. I am glad He wants me on the mountain. I like the mountains!

Rhonda