God, why have you taken Mike from us?
I miss Mike.
I want to see him.
I want to laugh with him.
I want to argue with him.
This ache has no balm.
I hate this broken heart.
I despise waking up everyday and reminding myself that Mike is dead.
I hate walking around with a smile on my face when I am crying and angry inside.
I hate meeting new people who have no idea, who never knew him, who don't care.
I hate my story.
This new life is a drudgery.
I want to smack Eve.
I want to beat Adam.
God, if you are coming back, why do you delay?
Fix this broken, sad, devastating life.
The world is too far gone to be enjoyed.
It must be endured.
I hate feeling this way.
I resent the daily struggle.
I don't like living by faith.
All I see is the world crumbling.
The good, the bad, the ugly all fall.
There is no discrimination.
I hate that he is not here.
I am jealous that I am not there.
I am mad at God's timing. I can neither speed things up nor press rewind.
If heaven's so great, why aren't we all just taken home?
The world is an apple fallen from the tree, lying on the ground, wet, in the sun, with a worm in it.
I cry out in pain.
I beg for comfort.
The joy in the morning is assaulted by fitful sleep and unhappy reality.
Mike is dead.
He is not here.
I have to wait.
My patience is thin.
Some days I have good thoughts and can be very encouraging to others. Other days, like today, I just have to lament. I figured since there is a book in the Bible that allowed lamenting, then I am allowed. He knows my heart and my hurt. Sometimes, I just have to wail. I can only do that on paper.
Thanks for enduring it.
Rhonda
I love you Rhonda! How I wish I could take your pain away. Life is hard but GOD IS GOOD! Mom
ReplyDeleteGod grant me the serentiy to accept life's challenges, the courage to change life choices and the wisdom to know the difference.
ReplyDeleteDad
God Bless You, Rhonda. I know your pain. Just always remember that God closes one door, (we may not know the reason) but he also opens another door. Death is never easy, even though the person we lost may have been sick, young, or just old. It is perfectely normal to feel the pain and the heartache. But just turn that pain and heartache towards the Lord and ask him to guide you the in the right way to get through it all. Because it is definately something that you "all" will never get over. Like I said to you before it has been 10 years since my fathers death, and 7 years since my nephews, and I still find myself getting angry, and asking "WHY" did you have to take them from me. But I know that in the end I will be there with them. But like you say, "in the now" is when it is so difficult to deal with. Just take one day at a time, and make the best of it. There is one thing that no one can take from you, and that is all of the memories that you have had with him. Just look back on those when you are sad, and remember the happiness then, and think about what you have got to look forward to one day. Much love to you and your family.
ReplyDeleteConnie