Faith the size of a mustard seed

A stark revelation hit me tonight. We are told that if we have "faith as small as a mustard seed you can move mountains... Nothing will be impossible for you" (Matthew 17:20). Picture this. Here's the analogy that came to my head. The mustard seed may as well be the size of the new Dallas Cowboys football stadium (no, I am not a Cowboys fan). My faith is a tiny blade of artificial field turf. My faith is lost within that mustard seed. My faith is a whole order-of-fries-short of a happy meal. I am missing the mark. I have truly received so much grace over the past several months. But I have not walked by faith. I have walked by sight. What I see, I do not like. I have become judgemental, cynical, pessimistic, skeptical. Definitely not the way Mike would be.

When we started this decade, the whole Y2K caused great concern and uncertainty. We weren't sure if all of our grand technology would hold up under the change. Came and went without a hitch. We just kept on going. I look back and it seems like it all kept going downhill. We just got more complacent, less concerned. Then 9/11 hit. We had a sudden change of heart. Lasted a year or so. Then the world just moved on. The economy crashed. Jobs lost. Nations at war. Murder. Rape. Abortion. No God in schools. Don't say Merry Christmas. Blah blah blah.

Mike is gone. World goes on. It's harder and harder to see God in anything. I have innumerable mountains that need to be moved or at least climbed, and my faith is lost inside that mustard seed.

The good news of this revelation is just that. It is the Good News. I do believe the Good News and He loves me enough to bring my lack of faith to my attention. But placing all my cares and worries in Him, my faith is lost in that mustard seed.

I am so grateful He saves by grace and not by works or immeasurable faith. I am no example, no model, not worthy.

I realize the more I learn, the more I need to learn. I have grown in knowledge but not faith. One of my favorite quotes is "Never let your schooling get in the way of your education," by Mark Twain. Pretty smart biblical principle.

I miss Mike. He changed my life by being my brother. He turned it upside down by leaving this world. God tells me there is something good to come of that. Pray that I have faith enough to not miss it. Please keep us all in your prayers as we begin a new day, a new year. I will continue to pray for each of you reading this, also.

Rhonda