Sunday, August 30, 2009

I had dinner at Mom and Dad's tonight. They were having a small dinner party for their neighbors' birthdays. As Mom always does when she is entertaining, she prepared a beautiful meal and table. She used their dining room. As we were serving ourselves in the kitchen and making our way into the dining room, it occurred to me that this was the first time I was eating in there since my last dinner with Mike (and his last dinner) the Sunday before his wreck. It shocked me so much that I said it out loud, without knowing the ramifications of that statement. Mom and Dad had not eaten in there, either. I did not know that. I thought it was just me. Needless to say, there were a few moments of holding our breathes and shedding a few tears. I blurted out that fact without thinking, right in front of their guests. Thankfully, their neighbors are more than just neighbors, they are friends. They have been wonderfully supportive to our family. They were understanding.

I have already anticipated other "firsts" without Mike, like Thanksgiving and Christmas. Those are the obvious that we all know will be difficult. But the everyday, or lesser events are no longer just that. They are everyday without Mike. No, we did not see each other everyday, but at least we were in the world together. I cannot express how crazy, ridiculous, frustrating, maddening, and incomprehensibly hard this is. So much so that at times I am numb. There are times I want so much to just grab and hold onto Laura or Hunter just because. Just because.

I am compiling more Mike memoirs for future postings. Please feel free to forward them to me at rmw4jc@yahoo.com

Love,
Rhonda